I just can't

I couldn't,
I tried
but
I can't,
I'm trying
but
I still can't
so I hope
that
I would,
I will
or
I might,
I may
for
I should,
I definitely shall
though I just can't...

Seriously!!! Diplomacy is all it needs.

People have got to learn to be more diplomatic with other people, particularly in the work place. Seriously! Something is definitely the matter with YOU, if every other week people come screaming in your face! Slamming the door in your face, throwing things at you without any respect for you.

Please! Ask ourselves some questions before we go to bed each night;

What am I doing that is not right?
What am I saying that is hurting other people?
Am I not minding my own business?
Am I REALLY minding my own business?
Is there something wrong with me?
Is there something within me that needs improvement and rererererecleansing?

I would just like to remind myself and others, NO one is perfect. Before we find others' fault, why don't we examine ourselves first. Restrain ourselves from hurting others or messing into other people's business. Put your nose where they belong if you don't want anyone to come squashing it flat! Flatter than it already is :) It's only fair for 'don't do upon others what you don't want to be done onto you'. I am not one of those 'soft spoken', lady like, like the last feminine lady ever to exist on earth but I try my very hardest not to poke my button nose into other peoples' 'skirts'. But don't get me wrong, and don't be deceived, I may dress in pink and look all soft and gentle in baby blue, but watch out! If you try to be funny with me, if you try to even pull my soft baby pink scarf, I'll make sure that your 'kurung' gets wet and your big phony 'jilbab' pulled front to back too, if not torn at the very worst!

Again, sometimes diplomacy is all it needs. If you are at the top, use words wisely to confront others. Everyone has dignity. Don't treat us like donkeys simply because we are at your service! Don't treat us like dogs for we might bite you and infect you with scabbies and let you die of mad dog disease..

Looks can be deceiving :)

frantically ballistic

speak of modern english linguistics
drink until gone psycholinguistics
tastelessly eat semantics
think for the suitable syntax
breath only sociolinguistics
sleep in applied linguistics
dream multilingually
nightmares of the four linguistic creatures!!
wake up to Dr. J
my life has no pragmatics...

H1N1 Please Help ourselves before someone helps us!!

This morning, I wore (am wearing still) the mask for the first time. My students laughed at me!Let's see who has the last laugh..H1N1 is sending shivers through my veins, and does no good to my vanity either..not that I am THAT VAIN but, not only that I look terrible with the mask, I AM literally suffocating behind the mask, for wearing it! The mask I am wearing now is recommended by my personal GP Doctor (General Practioner) who says that it complies with the requirements, labelled as N95 or something like that! Sounds like the Nokia Handphone series to me! Hehe..

Anyway, H1N1 is no laughing matter, as it has killed many people including the elderly and sadly babies who never even got a chance to experience life! Yes, as faithful muslims, we have to accept Qada and Qadar, but as a human being and a citizen of this country, I would like to pose a few simple basic questions.
Who is responsible for all of these?
Who is to be blamed?What should the government do?
What should the public do to at least protect ourselves?
Most importantly,WHAT HAS ALREADY BEEN DONE TO CURB THIS VIRUS from spreading even worst?

I read somewhere that 5 more million is expected to be infected and 5000 more to die in THIS country alone! Oh my god! How can someone say that? How can someone just predict this with a straight face without doing something prominent to curb this? (Perhaps somebody IS doing something that we do not know of) It breaks my heart!! Tremendously..I lost a child last year due to pneumonia. I pray to Allah not to take another. I know everone will die eventually but please..not just yet..

So Malaysians, my students especially, please do something for me and for yourself. Take good care of yourself, take preventive measures. Practise good hygiene and wear the mask! It does not matter if we won't look good (or suffocating like mad inside it), it does not matter if nobody else is wearing it. Just take care care or yourselves and the rest, we leave it to the government and Allah to decide.. This is me, trying to look pretty behind the N95 mask ;) In the PMR Trail Examination Hall, only one student is wearing the mask. In the whole school, only two teachers are wearing it, and that includes me! *Sigh*

FAIR or fUNfair or just Funfair?!

I sacrificed my time to be with my husband this weekend in KL, because I have to attend lectures and I have a presentation. Last night, at 11pm I was still at the airport, sending him off, leaving me with two babies all 'alone' to drive in the middle of the night. (For your information, my babies are: a one year 7 months old boy & 4 months old baby girl).

Because I'm not used to being home alone in the 10 years of our marriage, I had to drive to Chabang 4 Tok Mek Ngoh to my auntie's (terhegeh2 kat orang, tu pun my stepmum's sister, not even my real auntie!) to spend the weekend because I have NOBODY else to take care of the kids.

At 2.30am, I was still up, doing the final touches for our presentation which was supposed to be today. At 3.30 am I was still up, feeding my 2 hungry babies (with formula laa, not susu cap gantung!)

So, imagine 3 hours of sleep, deprived of the usual comfort of my own bed & air-conditioning, mosquitoes that could not take their eyes of our tempting smooth skin & what not.., STILL able to make it to class ON TIME, WAITING patiently for our group's turn to present, anxious with all the long winded questions that might be thrusted upon us...& bla bla bla.. I could go on you know..

I requested 'to continue' with the presentation without the men, since the men were going for their Friday prayers, she (our lecturer) said 'it's unfair'. Okay, so I kept my mouth shut. I could accept that.

All of a sudden, at 12 noon, the usually problematic twins arrived for the lecture!. What?! We all murmured that they shouldn't have come at all!! But anyway.. (They do this every semester to every lecturer, every 'hand in assignment' day, every presentation day...etc)

All of a sudden (AGAIN), the lecturer said, "could the ladies please wait, the twins need to present today because they have problems tomorrow".. What the &@$%!

So now tell me what the hell is FAIR?! I really need some justification!

think not

Sometimes I think of all the happy moments

to help me be strong
to keep me going on

At times I think of the sad ones

to remind me of the good ones
to forget the pain and heartaches

Most of the time I try not to think at all

to be me as I'd like to be
to accept people as they are
to go where life leads me
to live life as it should be

About time

I was the one
who went away
I was the one
to leave

We were not the ones at fault
as time is what it's all about

though
I never did forget
neither
did I let go

but
I am the one
who searched
and found you
amongst the crowd

or may be the time has come
for time is what it's all about

Ammar strikes again!

Ammar strikes again, he locked his daddy in the bathroom this morning while mummy was already at school! I only found out about this in the afternoon when I called him to say 'hi'. Can you imagine being locked inside the bathroom, having to struggle your way out?

So how are we supposed to avoid all these risks, having small children around? I don't mean 'risks of having children' but everyday risks that parents and children undertake and the consequences that we have to face.

Everyday is definitely a new learning parenting experience, yes, that can only be learnt through experience. Books, family and friends etc can tell you so many things and give all kinds of advice but only experience can provide the best methods and means for parenthood!

Experience is the best but of course, the meanest teacher of all..

deMOTIVATION

Demotivated
is just a word,
a harmless little adjective
that leads to catastrophes.

Is it just a word?
it is definitely not positive
but positively negative,
negatively scary,

and scarily contagious,
contagiously outrageous,
outrageously convincing that

life is not worth living,
no one is worth the caring,
when everything is mundane,
and everyone seems insane.

It is not just a word,
it is indisputably dangerous,
a treacherous enthusiasm,
an apathetic phenomena,
that leads to violation
and abandonment
of all.

They're only words, but they could kill

Oops, they did it again!
The cashew nuts strike again!!
This time, involving a friend, colleague and parent all summed into one.
Oh, and a spouse of that person whose world is now spinning gasing.

What you do between the four walls of your home, does not necessarily mean that the walls would secure you from the world outside and the outside world.

What you confide in a colleague in the comfort of your own school does not necessarily mean that it will stay in your own school, as walls at school have more eyes and ears and in fact, possess bigger mouths that cannot be seen even with very tactful eyes.

Who you think is a teacher of your children is first and foremost a normal 'flawfull' human being who have many ways of turning into a hateful selfish tell tale creature that can destroy every little bit of happiness that you have left or you hope to have in what's left of your life.

What you expect to be a confidential MOU between you and that 'trusted' trustworthy trustee does not necessarily mean that the MOU then would still be understood later. It might as well have been called an MOM.. Memorandum of Misunderstanding, so everyone can just purposely misunderstand and do whatever the hell they like, with whoever the hell they know, wherever the hell they feel suitable, however the hell the way it is and whenever the hell permits! For God's sake, an MOU is an MOU! It does not have to be a *#%k^+# written agreement!

Who you trust as a friend (especially at work) does not necessarily mean that the person would stand by your side through thin and thick. In fact, that person may be the one breaking the thin ice that you're standing on the moment they get the opportunity so you would drown and freeze to death immediately, without even having the chance to realise it before it's too late.

Who you believe is your life partner for decades does not necessarily mean that you are still with the same person that you met and knew ages ago. They may surprise and give you the shock of your life that you have no faith in anyone anymore, perhaps not even in yourself!

The lesson that we should learn from this IS that, 1) trust no one! 2) trust especially not two! 3) trust nobody,nobody and nobody at all, except in Allah of course..

We cannot force upon others a certain expectation that we ourselves cannot fulfil if thrusted onto us but we can stop (or at least try to) ourselves from being our own enemy and stop using our own weapon to trap and kill ourselves in our own words..

Some happening father's day

Arriving home after picking up my 2 children, I went to unlock the gate & Ammar (1 1/2 year old) locked the car from inside!! A few neighbours came to help but to no avail. We had to wait for daddy to come home with the spare key while Ammar had the best time in his life, cruising around in the car & kacau adik & pijak mummy's new handbag, spilling milk all over the car seats etc...Some Happy Father's Day! More like mummy's haywire day!! Now I have migrane thanks to Ammar..

Perhaps, this is to remind us that we can never be too careful when it comes to our children, I ALWAYS leave my door opened when unlocking the gate but the one time I forget, is the day that Ammar decides to be extra naughty...

At least everyone is safe and sound but still, I can't help feeling sooooooo mad!!

One "Happy" Teacher's Day

The Cashew Nuts managed to celebrate the teacher's day celebration today, though without the presence of our principal, the events went smoothly, at least until the day was almost over... and not forgetting an incident just before the musical chair competition. Ah well, nobody's perfect, nothing is perfect. All I can say is, 'a shaky start, a loose end'. The opening was a little shaky to begin with, so it was no surprise that the end lost everyone and got everyone lost! The middle was alright I supposed...but nobody remembers that!! Nutty as usual we are...

Despite the rocky beginning and end, I actually enjoyed myself even though I had (still have) a lot on my mind. What with having to think of my four Masters assignments to be submitted in three days' time, the KWN Competition (to be or not to be, that is the question) and bla bla bla (for I don't want to bore you with my grandma sad stories) I still managed to join the activities prepared by my students. I managed to win the "cucuk manik" competition and did a major contribution in making my team be the champion for coconut bowling too. I would have won more if not for the envious teachers' committee who suggest that I should give others a chance to win too.. I was just trying to have some fun and be a real sport to my beloved students.
Some of my students surprised me with their hidden talents too, which I feel so proud of. The management of the events, the 'dikir barat' singing and of course the endless poetry recitals.. You are Ketereh idols..

I was literally flooding with tears when we sang 'Biarku menjadi lilin..'. I did't mean to get sentimental but I don't know why, I just did, at the end of the very first verse. My tudung was the victim, before I could get a hold of some tissue paper..*sigh* I hope not too many of my students saw that! I don't want to seem too vulnerable. But I guess, the song really touched my heart, the lyrics went straight to my heart like a sharp knife. Sincerely, I feel something deep inside of me that says yes, I am sincere in teaching my students, not only in the classroom but also about life. I feel responsible in giving them what they need, before it is time for them to spread their own wings and fly..

To my students who remembered me on Teacher's Day, thank you so much. I love you with all my heart though sometimes I may portray otherwise. I don't need for you to buy me gifts to show that you appreciate me, just be responsible to yourself, make learning your priority so I can be proud of you, so your parents can be proud to say you're their children and first and foremost so that YOU can be proud of yourself!

To all my students, THANK YOU for the best 'Teacher's Day' ever..

Mother's Day Gift

Earliest dawn
just before the sun peeks
to brighten this wonderful Sunday
just before the morning dew
gets touched by the sun

Airina Balqish,
you came to me
in my sleep
you came to me
subconsciously
you came to me
to touch my heart
you came
to see me

you looked at me
you smiled at me
you reminded me

I am your mother
you are my dauhgter
now and forever

I may not be the best mother
a child could ever have
I may not be the perfect mother
that you could ever had
I may not give
all that you ever wanted

but I hope I was good enough
to have made you happy
and provided
the love tender and care
that you ever needed
and I hope to be a better mother
for Ammar Darwish and Aimy Alisya

Airina Balqish,
I hope you would pray for me
I hope you would wait for me
I hope for us to be together

for I wish to see you
not just in my sleep
not just in my dreams
but for eternity

Thank you
for giving me
the best Mother's Day gift
by coming to see me
by visitting me
though only in my dream

I love you





Airina Balqish

Ammar Darwish

Aimy Alisya

Roads crossed

One Saturday

an old bitch
3 friendly dogs
crossed my way!
Metaphorically..

a cute squirrel
a big fat wild boar
crossed my path!
Literally..

I cried my heart out..
I screamed my head off!

No matter what I do
No matter how careful I am

I can't help it if
bitches, dogs, boars or even squirrels
happen to cross the road
to block my way
to scare me out of my wits
to shed me to tears

I can only help myself
Not to cross those animal's roads
Not to thred on anyone's paths
Not to cause anyone pain
Not to tear anyone's heart

So I can go on
Doing what I do
So my life goes on
Coping with the heartaches
Sparing others of the hurt
Hoping I can survive
In this mean world
Of wild animals

Nisza 12.24 am 15.04.09

Aimy Alisya

i wasn't meant to
long for you
but i do
i wish you were in my arms
i would care for you
Love you tenderly

Perhaps
It wasn't meant to be
You don't belong with me
You're not meant to be
Our bundle of joy after all

Though
It wasn't meant to be
We don't belong with you
We're not meant
To give you the world

i hope
You are with the ones who care
We wish
You are with those who would love you
More than we could
And could give
More than we would
And may you have the best
Of every single thing
That you could

Love,
we & i

Teacher's Angels

Ismi Pesal Meri Hajar Iylia Peto Fatihah Moon Faiz Ripit Bob Alif EG Mario Afi Atiqah Ana Anis Mastika Mas Cotek Athirahnadia Nadiamuk Pakda Shahrilsegala Ikram Mamat Mukhlis Masayu Aimanbaha Mokjah Ailan Mija Firdaus2 KaklongAzeanna KakElly Mekkak Mekna Haziqahiffah Sheilaonsix Hanumbisquit Wawa Amin Zuhri Wahida Syah Suhazli Pokloh Idi Akhyari Baim Luciana Lindyana Amir Hafiz Fazrin Asmah Fatiah Hasniah

These are just some of my angels
that I think about everyday
who have touched my heart in all angles
and most importantly everyway

Though most time they are cherished
they sometimes could be devillish
making me rather feverish
thus I would be anguish

Even when they are apart
they make me smile solitarily
Hope I remain in their hearts
and not just momentarily

Love,
Teacher Asniza
11.53 pm 10 March 2009

Any Given Day

It is not valentine's day or your birthday
nor Father's Day or even Husband's Day
not even our anniversary
just some any old day
like every other day
a normal thursday

though I don't say it often enough
maybe you've heard more than enough
or perhaps too much has been said already
still, you need to be reminded that

you are a
loving
caring
responsible
husband
father
and friend

who have never
not even once
forget

your duties
and responsibilities
as head of the family
husband and
father


your love for us
physically and
spiritually

your true
meaning and
purpose
of life being

I love you
We love you
From, Asniza, Airina Balqish and Ammar Darwish

10.07 pm 5th March
Mummy loves daddy

A Letter To Farah

Dear Farah,

Before I even begin this letter in response to your beautiful 'lost and found' writing, I do hope that this letter would at least compensate for and console you for all the feelings that you have towards all your friends, especially me..and I know you would 'receive' this cyber letter instantly (since you are my only follower at the moment hehe ;)

Yes, I do remember all the good and bad times that we had. More importantly I remember the good (fantastic actually) time very vividly.

Do you remember the time when we became Claudia Schiffer and Cindy Crawford? We dressed up, put on loads of make up, kept changing clothes and between each other too, and your roomate had to become our amateur photographer for the whole night! We even had the fan blowing towards us in order to capture that Malaysia's Next Top Model look! But the background of the photos did no justice to us, did it? Hahaha *wink* *laugh**fall*

This is not surprising at all you know, if you remember how we got to know each other in the first place. Do you remember? After our Orientation Week, we were recruited to be models for a fashion show hosted by the KPLI students which also included some (two) professional models who were not good enough for us for we thought they should have been taller and better looking. We even got paid (amount is secret, ok?) and the show was broadcasted on television during Selamat Pagi Malaysia the following Friday morning. Well, do you? It is also because of this that my 'friends' accused me of only wanting to befriend only the pretty ones! (for whatever reasons?!) This should also be a compliment to any of my friends for this means that they are pretty ;)

Do you remember Taman Tasik Shah Alam where we went to lepak in the weekends? Taman Tasik Permaisuri where we went to keep fit, we jog (and by that I mean walking and checking out...err..people) quite often didn't we? We went to your sister's house in Bukit Antarabangsa, we went well...I could go on and on and on but I don't want to evoke too much memories.. But the point is, we had FUN! Tonnes of them.

You were (still are I hope) my true friend, a friend in happiness, in sadness, in need, a friend indeed. You were always there for me and I hope I was a friend to you as much as you were to me.

More than anything, you were not only my friend but also a teacher! Yes, a friend does all that and should be able to tell you things that others can't. You taught me a lot of things that I could't have learnt from home, not that my family didn't do a lot of teaching (and scolding) but there are some things that only a mother can share with her daughter. Wait! Don't get me wrong, I'm not trying to say that you were like a mother to me. That's totally nonsense! But you did share a lot of knowledge that came from your mother with me, so incidentally, I learnt from her too. Maybe you didn't realise this then, but I appreciate all the little things in life so I definitely cherish the 'mom' moments that we shared. You also reminded me to be a good listener, a good 'ignorer' (for little insignificant issues) as a friend should be.

As far as friendship is concerned, you also taught me to be more wise in choosing friends. You told me that I shouldn't be too opened with people which could only expose me to too many risks of being hurt (I was too talkative back then, once I even had a one hour conversation with a dumb and deaf Chinese man at the college bus stop! That's how talkative I was). I'm still trying to practise this 'ilmu' that you gave me but usually after I get into trouble of not remembering this 'rule' in the first place. Old habits die hard lah dear...

By the way, you also 'introduced' me to blogging so here I am practising your 'ilmu' some more. (You need to teach me how to put the counter, I've tried too many times that I run out of username to use and it still hasn't work!)

Back to the topic of being friends, I just want you to know that I loved you and I still do though we are hundreds of miles apart. If I was teaching in Kuala Lumpur or at least in the two neighbouring states, I'm sure we would still be going out, shopping, having dinner, giggling, standing in front of a fan to look good....err... Well, we would, won't we? Spending time with each other I mean.

Please don't give up on me. Please answer my call. Please give me a call. I didn't mean to not answer your call the other day. It was just wrong timing.. Let's rekindle our friendship, at least half of what it used to be if not all.

Love,
Nisz

9.35 pm 5th March 2005

A Silhoutte?

A student scared me today!

I was in class early this morning when a few boys were busy gossipping! I asked what the fuzz was about. Hastily, one boy whom I called Pakda (Penggoda) said that during Sports Day, 26th February, he took a photo of his friend and there was this shadow in the background. I had no comment and did not say anything but he said he would 'mms' it to me if he had my phone number, so instintively I gave my number to him. By noon, I had already forgotten all about him.

Anyway, around 3 pm I suddenly received a text message, while I was still in the school office. Immediately, I checked the picture message. It was a photo of a boy. I did not recognise the number so I thought somebody must have sent it to the wrong person, until I read the message at the bottom which said 'Look at the back, is it real?'. So I shifted my focus from the boy to the background. There it was! There was this shadowy figure of a woman, either wearing a very long black 'tudung' or she had rather long hair! My God! My hair was standing on ends! I couldn't believe my eyes! So the boys were telling the truth!

I immediately packed up my stuff and left school. I considered myself done for the day. No 'stay back' today, thank you. Even in bed, in the comfort of my home with my noisy son chattering away, I still have shivers in my veins. I'm sure going to be so scared tonight that I'll lock myself in the bedroom, come what may, til my husband gets back from his night class!

Pakda, you really scared me today!

5.25 pm 5th March 2009

See what I mean? The figure in the background is definitely NOT one of my students!

Experience @ Repeating?

When I went to receive my Anugerah Kecemerlangan Kokurikulum Kebangsaan ( I became second for Guru Cemerlang Kokurikulum Kategori Sekolah Menengah) in Bukit Mertajam December 2008, I think it was Penang's Education Director who mentioned "let 20 years of teaching be 20 years of experience, not 1 year teaching and 19 years repeated".

That phrase REALLY opened my eyes and made me realise that yes, we really need to venture into our profession and gain all the experience that it has to offer us. Not just come and go to school, enter and exit class, gossip in the staff room with no ACTUAL purpose not only professionally but also in life!

First of all, we ARE paid to become teachers. Paid to teach our future generation so that they too get the chance to be somebody in years to come or at least make something of themselves..Thus, if we neglect what we're supposed to be doing in the first place, we ARE depriving them of their rights!

Secondly, we should enjoy what we do everyday, rejoice in our students' achievements not only academically (not necessarily scoring straight As in the examination) but any knowledge that we've shared and all the little efforts that they've made either for themselves or even just to please us!

Thirdly, every single day is unique and it gives us new experience, well to me at least if not everyone. I cherish every single day that comes for I believe that even as adults, we learn something new everyday, not only from life itself but from things and people around us, even our students.

I look forward to meeting my students (but not when I think of the actual school environment that consists not only of students but of human beings that can hardly be called 'friends' and managers of the school, maybe I should open up my own school so I don't have to face anyone else but only my students) because I know that everyday they would try something new to attract my attention and I would TRY to teach them something new too, hoping that they would be able to use it later in life or hereafter.

I guess, we really need to be passionate in whatever we do. I think I am passionate and I try my hardest to do the best I can for everyone around me though I know that that sometimes it is still not good enough. Well, at least I am trying..Back to the topic of experience, I've only been teaching since 2001 so that's not too long or not that inexperience either.

In the (almost) eight years that I've been teaching, I have really learnt a lot, matured and experienced many things that I've never thought I would before. I've also learnt new things that I feel I can be proud of, not only for myself, but for my family as well as for my students.Hence, let our years of teaching be a real adventure that provides us loads of experience instead of being a burden that tortures us everyday for the rest of our life!

He seems not

He seemed like
the perfect gentleman
the prince charming
the knight and shining armour

He seemed to be
charming with sweet innocent smile
emphatic with perfect consoling words
mesmerising with honey coated promises

He appears like
any other chauvunist
the villain in the fairy tale
the wicked wizard that casts spells

He appears to have
lifeless eyes
bitter lips
cold heart

2.48 pm 1st Mac 2009

i am

I AM

i am matured
i am wise
i am reasonable
i am responsible
i am enthusiastic
i am highly spirited
and full of energy

i am lightheaded
i am childish
i am gigglish
i am happy
i laugh out loud
i am quick
i am witty
i am funny
i am experienced
and full of stories

i am dumb
i am stupid
i get jealous
i am fierce
i get angry
i get depressed
i get demotivated
i am defensive
if i feel the need

i am sad
i get upset
i am melancholic
i sulk and cry and weep
when i am hurt deep inside
Wrecked even by winds of words

I AM what i am
i am human
i am a woman
i am a wife
i am a mother
i am a daughter
i am a sister
i am a teacher
i am learning
i am a friend
i am just a girl
i am just a child
Deep inside
I AM who i am
Inside out
I AM who i portray
On the surface

Forgive me for who I AM

12.28 pm 28th February 2009
asniza hamzah

YOU

You backstabbers out there
(that are everywhere)

I thought your breed only stay put at one place
which is why you do that in the first place
Don't you know it's a disgrace
To drop other people's face

A person should have an open mind
Don't let your mind be so confined
Stop stabbing people from behind
What will happen to human kind

Though you're the one setting the dice
I would like to give a bit of advice
Your tales come with a bit of a price
You might have to pay when I'm on the rise

By then, you won't want to be you
Your sore tales would haunt you
For noboby would want you
Perhaps, even you!

I pray for you to start anew
Perhaps you might become a beau
My symphaties are for you
For it will come back to YOU!

11.55 am 28th February 2009
Asniza Hamzah

Slip of the tongue

From 23rd to 27th February 2009 I was, am and will be in Permai to brief all the PKPs and HOPs from Kelantan on the EMS 2 module that would have to be carried out at school level soon after.

In the hall, there would be about 50 PKPs and 50 HOPs waiting 'eagerly' for my talk. It was definitely my first time giving talks to so many PKPs that I felt I was being observed and was under tremendous pressure, hoping no one would be awarding marks.

On my first day, in my attempt to be formal and to please the PKPs according to the protocol required, my first utterances were " Yang Berusia..." instead of 'yang berusaha'! What a blunder!
The next day onwards, I would stick to the simple Assalamualaikum and good morning instead! No more protocols for me, thank you.

A few of my friends rang me and asked if I did it on purpose. Oh God NO!It was truly UNINTENTIONAL but nobody seems to believe me. Knowing the joker I am, they think that it was a planned joke that I had intended all along...that particular word did NOT even cross my mind!

Me, Myself & I

I was born in Trengganu of Kedahan (Malay) & Ganuang (12.5% Pakistan) parents.
Hence my skin colour & jambu nose..

I was brought up everywhere including Johor, Penang, Sabah, Kedah, Kelantan, England, KL Lumpo since my father was an army officer so I REALLY have no sense of belonging to any state least of all Sarawak because I've never been there! ekekek..but now my father is staying put in Wangsa Maju so that is kind of my 'hometown' literally for 12 years now..

I had a troubled childhood , my parents divorced when I was 7 so I had to 'mother' my 4 year old sister. So I guess that's why I'm a bit of a joker (but stern at times...errr...most?!), having to amuse her to keep her happy when things got rough. This is also why I'm never over fairytales (Cinderella, Snow White etc) having the WWW as a stepmother .
My extended family: 4 more siblings from mom, 4 from dad..

I went to SK Sandakan, Sek Sultan Ahmad Tajudin Jitra, SK Pengkalan Chepa, Watchfield School Swindon, Faringdon High School, Collingwood School Camberley, St. Mary's Girls School KL, SM Hamzah Kelantan. So you see, I went to 8 schools all together and that's not even counting my pre school! Sound exhausting!

I went to MPIK (yempiyaikei maktab berbudi, mendidik kami semuahhh)
& The University of Edinburgh Scotland (Braveheart) for Matric & B.Ed (Hons) TESOL

I have a daughter Airina Balqish who passed away at the age of 2 1/2, on 11th Nov 2007
& a son Amar Darwish born on 16th December 2007.

Aimy Alisya born in 2009